


He Wanted To Say

by McKayRulez



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Dark, Depressing, Depression, Episode: s02e06 Trinity, Eyes, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, POV Experimental, Post Episode: s02e06 Trinity, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 18:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5550428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKayRulez/pseuds/McKayRulez
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For once Rodney couldn't speak. A thousand words in his head, and on his tongue but nothing came out but silence. He wanted to say so much, but he couldn't. All he could do was let the eyes of judgement stare at him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Wanted To Say

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this awhile back on fanfiction.net.   
> Tag to the Trinity ep.
> 
> Gets depressing. You have been warned. Sorry.

To Teyla,

He wanted to say to those exotic eyes that no amount of tea in the galaxy would calm him, but knew it would be rude. 

He wanted to say to those foreign eyes that he didn't deserve her pity but knew she would have denied pitying him.

 

To Zelenka, Kusanagi, and the other Scientist's,

He wanted to say to those eyes that gazed at him that he could feel the stares they gave him behind his back but he didn't because it wouldn't stop them from looking anyway. 

He wanted to say to those eyes full of disapproval that the looks they gave him in the hallways where justified but their glares silenced him. 

He wanted to say to those aggravated eyes behind glasses that he shouldn't have dismissed the concerns he gave but it was too late. 

 

To John,

He wanted to say to those hard eyes that he hoped he didn't think any less of his abilities, but knew he did think little of him now. 

He wanted to say to those stern eyes that he wouldn't have let them die but in the end it came close. 

He wanted to say to those betrayed eyes that he would try to earn his trust back but he knew he used up his chance. 

He wanted to say to those hurt eyes that he hoped they could still be friends but knew regardless their friendship would never be the same. 

 

To Samantha Carter,

He wanted to say to those seasoned blue eyes that he was sorry for his past mistakes with her but never got the chance.

He wanted to say to those brilliant blue eyes that she was the smartest and the wisest scientist he had ever known but pride got in the way.

He wanted to say to those stellar blue eyes that she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever known but she was too far away for him to tell her.

He wanted to say to those blue eyes far, far away, that he wished they could have been together but knew he was too arrogant and petty. 

He wanted to say to those blue eyes in the Milky Way that he wished she where with him right now but knew she couldn't which only made him feel worse. 

He wanted to say to those star crossed blue eyes in a different galaxy that he loved her but knew she deserved better. 

 

To Dr. Collins and the Five-sixths of The Solar System that died,

He wanted to say he was sorry to them but sorry wasn't enough. 

He wanted to say that if he could go back in time he would do it all over... but he couldn't. 

He wanted to say that he hoped one day they would forgive for what he did but even he would never forgive himself. 

He wanted to say that he would make it up to them, but how could he make it up to the dead? 

He wanted to say that their deaths had not been in vain, but how could he when nothing came out of it? 

He wanted to say that he would do better now, and wont make the same mistake again, but what good did that do for them?

He wanted to say that he would remember them and that they wouldn't be forgotten but how could he remember people he never knew? 

He wanted to say so many thing to them but they had no ears to hear it. 

 

To Elizabeth,

He wanted to say to those concerned beautiful eyes starring at him that she was right and he should have listened but he hadn't. 

He wanted to say to those horrified beautiful eyes starring at him that it didn't have anything to do with how she scolded him but knew that she would blame herself anyway.

He wanted to say to those panicked beautiful eyes starring at him that she was the best leader this city could ever hope for but that might make her feel guilty.

He wanted to say to those tear filled beautiful eyes starring at him that he was so proud of her for everything she's done but it would make this more difficult. 

He wanted to say to those sobbing beautiful eyes starring at him that there was nothing she could do, but she'd never listen. 

He wanted to say to those crying beautiful eyes starring at him that he appreciated her tries to comfort him but that no matter how much she tried, it only made it hurt worse.

He wanted to say to those red and puffy beautiful eyes starring at him that this was his only way to peace but she didn't want to hear it. 

 

He wanted to say so much to the eyes of those staring up at him right now but how could he speak at all with a rope tight and choking around his neck? 

~ Rodney


End file.
